Four New Years Resolutions for 2018 To Not Fulfill Because They Would Make Your Boyfriend Feel Inferior

2017 is wrapping up, and everyone is thinking about what the New Year will bring.  Here are some resolutions you can think about, but ultimately decide not to enact because they just might make your boyfriend feel worse about himself!

1.     Exercising
Let alone joining a gym, don’t go for a daily walk or even opt for the stairs this year—your boyfriend will only feel worse about the hours he spends on the couch scrolling through the RIP Vine Sub-Reddit.  Instead, pick options like taking a nap, Power-Resting, or Extreme Sitting in 2018—you’ll probably feel worse for it, but your relationship will maintain the ideal gender balance!

2.     Say ‘Yes’ More Often
This is a tried and true resolution that could open you up to a whole new world of possibilities, people, and pastimes—so DON’T do it!  Do you want to leave your boyfriend behind as you jaunt off on work trips to Europe, a night out with the girls, or a ceramics class every Wednesday night? That might leave him feeling bad about the amount of hours he plays that video game with the shooting sound effects, and what kind of girlfriend would you be if you didn’t support him in all endeavors? In 2018, say ‘no’ more often.  You might be known as the Debbie Downer of the office, but you’re his Debbie Forevvie<3.

3.     Journal
Everyone knows journaling is the first step to introspection, which is the first step to a better you! This is not what you and your boyfriend want in 2018.  Put down that Muji pen, throw out the $20 Moleskine notebook you bought to entice yourself to write down your innermost thoughts.  2018 is about one thing and one thing only: denial!  If you don’t think about how often your boyfriend refuses to leave the house or do anything fun with you, it’s like it’s not happening! And if your boyfriend sees you writing too often, he might feel bad about how sloppy his own handwriting is and the fact that he maybe has forgotten how to read—what a bummer that would be for the dynamics of your relationship!

4.     Take a Break from Social Media
This is a great way to live in the present, away from the constructed life you put forth for the Internet! Sorry ladies—2018 is the Year of the Selfie.  Get back into MySpace! Start DMing people on LinkedIn! Does FarmVille still exist? You can find out! Besides, your boyfriend spends so much time on his phone, if you stopped using yours, he might think you think you’re better than him! And how could your relationship possibly sustain itself with that inferiority complex hanging over it?

New Years Resolutions can be the first step to a better you! But don’t risk becoming a you that is better than your barf-bag of a boyfriend! A relationship is all about give and take, so this year don’t even try to pretend you’re going to fulfill those resolutions! Give it up now, and throw yourself into the real challenge—not making your boyfriend feel bad about himself, even though he does literally nothing!  We believe in you!


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