Himlationships

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Remember! What relationships are really about: Him. <3


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Local Woman Insists She’s Not a Libra Despite Two Eyewitness Accounts Stating Otherwise

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Gemima Langsboro caused quite an uproar in her small town of Starsville, CT, when she publicly denounced her Libra-hood on Monday, insisting that she was rather, a Virgo.   Despite two eyewitness accounts stating otherwise, she has held her ground, though her statements are contested by her Birth Certificate, Drivers License, Fake ID, Sephora Rewards Card, and numerous other forms of identification. “I was standing by in the hospital room at 10:30 a.m. on September 23, 2000, when she came bursting out of her mother’s vagina,” father, John Langsboro, told our correspondent. “It’s not like she was even born close to midnight,” mother, Susie Langsboro, continued. “We don’t understand.   We didn’t raise her this way.” Gemima continues to assert her Virgo-hood, citing her independent nature, definitive quality of Earth signage, and affinity with such notable Virgos as Cameron Diaz, Queen Elizabeth I, and Mother Theresa.   “I just feel like my parents don’t se...
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Guy Who’s “Not Into Movies” More Than Happy to Give Constructive Criticism on Woman’s Shortlisted Sundance Film

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Despite Myles Prickett’s general disdain for the moving image, he was, in what some are calling “an impressive display of sacrifice,” extremely willing to workshop his old college-hook-up’s first feature, which has been shortlisted at the prestigious film festival, Sundance, this season. “He just contacted me out of nowhere,” Vivian Taylor told our correspondent. “It took me a second to figure out who he was, but then he said ‘Myles, with a y,’ and it all those repressed memories of faking an orgasm to the sound of a Bon Iver vinyl came rushing back.” Prickett asserts that, though he was only able to get through about two minutes of the film, he definitely has an auteur’s eye to bring to that little whimsy of Vivian’s. “It’s pretty cool of Myles to help out Violet or whatever her name was, after all these years,” says Myles’ best friend from college, Ethan, who was in at least five round-table seminars with Vivian.  “Especially, considering, you know, the fac...
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Top 8 Ways To Make That Boy Like You

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1. like every single thing he's ever posted on his Facebook account.  trust me, you may be tempted to skip that one status about that open mic night he hosted in 8th grade, but don't do it.  if you want him to like you, you need to show that you LIKE him! 2. don't skirt around the issue. just do his taxes. nothing says i'm into you like boosting him up into a new tax bracket ;^)) 3. ruin every social tie he has, friend or otherwise. Then all his time will be free!!! 4. have a good, long, Skype call with his grandma.  ask her for hot hot HOT sex tips. you know what they say, it gets better w/ age 5. Burn his belongings but in a fun way! fire is hot!!! 6. pull out all of his hair bit by bit every day in unnoticeable amounts. He'll get wet over this. give it to him as an anniversary gift. 7. tell him you're saving yourself for death. Demise makes the dick rise ;) 8. kill him. as the knife comes closer he'll realize who he's had a big crush on ...
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