Herpowerment

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In this lil section we have articles that empower her...a shperson, like you! 

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Four New Years Resolutions for 2018 To Not Fulfill Because They Would Make Your Boyfriend Feel Inferior

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2017 is wrapping up, and everyone is thinking about what the New Year will bring.   Here are some resolutions you can think about, but ultimately decide not to enact because they just might make your boyfriend feel worse about himself! 1.      Exercising Let alone joining a gym, don’t go for a daily walk or even opt for the stairs this year—your boyfriend will only feel worse about the hours he spends on the couch scrolling through the RIP Vine Sub-Reddit.   Instead, pick options like taking a nap, Power-Resting, or Extreme Sitting in 2018—you’ll probably feel worse for it, but your relationship will maintain the ideal gender balance! 2.      Say ‘Yes’ More Often This is a tried and true resolution that could open you up to a whole new world of possibilities, people, and pastimes—so DON’T do it!   Do you want to leave your boyfriend behind as you jaunt off on work trips to Europe, a night out with the girls, or a cera...
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Local Woman Insists She’s Not a Libra Despite Two Eyewitness Accounts Stating Otherwise

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Gemima Langsboro caused quite an uproar in her small town of Starsville, CT, when she publicly denounced her Libra-hood on Monday, insisting that she was rather, a Virgo.   Despite two eyewitness accounts stating otherwise, she has held her ground, though her statements are contested by her Birth Certificate, Drivers License, Fake ID, Sephora Rewards Card, and numerous other forms of identification. “I was standing by in the hospital room at 10:30 a.m. on September 23, 2000, when she came bursting out of her mother’s vagina,” father, John Langsboro, told our correspondent. “It’s not like she was even born close to midnight,” mother, Susie Langsboro, continued. “We don’t understand.   We didn’t raise her this way.” Gemima continues to assert her Virgo-hood, citing her independent nature, definitive quality of Earth signage, and affinity with such notable Virgos as Cameron Diaz, Queen Elizabeth I, and Mother Theresa.   “I just feel like my parents don’t se...
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Is There Water In Your Ear Or Are You Drunk?

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So it’s been 2018 for a week now, and you’ve been noticing you’re having trouble walking in a straight line.   There are so many potential reasons for this—maybe you’re just a free spirit and straight lines are too rigid a path for you to cut! But ultimately, what it comes down to, is—are you sporting a small river of water in your right ear, or are you maybe drunk off your ass? Have you gone Deep Sea Diving Recently? A.    Yes, just last week!   Nothing like a tank of oxygen to get your heart pumping after that sea-weed-dick Brian left it crumpled and static! B.     No, but I have been diving headfirst into Champagne fountains! Do You Take Regular Baths? A.    Yes, how best to relax after a year/lifetime of emotional labor but a good ol’ soak up to the eyeballs twice or five times a day? B.     No, unless you mean drowning my sorrows in never ending Fish Bowls with the girls—in that case, yes! Have you rec...
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