Is There Water In Your Ear Or Are You Drunk?
So it’s been 2018 for a week now, and you’ve been noticing you’re having trouble walking in a straight line. There are so many potential reasons for this—maybe you’re just a free spirit and straight lines are too rigid a path for you to cut! But ultimately, what it comes down to, is—are you sporting a small river of water in your right ear, or are you maybe drunk off your ass? Have you gone Deep Sea Diving Recently? A. Yes, just last week! Nothing like a tank of oxygen to get your heart pumping after that sea-weed-dick Brian left it crumpled and static! B. No, but I have been diving headfirst into Champagne fountains! Do You Take Regular Baths? A. Yes, how best to relax after a year/lifetime of emotional labor but a good ol’ soak up to the eyeballs twice or five times a day? B. No, unless you mean drowning my sorrows in never ending Fish Bowls with the girls—in that case, yes! Have you rec...
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